why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
