My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
