I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
