I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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