there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
