we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
