And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
