6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
