I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
