Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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