Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I want to have your abortion
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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