My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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