Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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