My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is my gift to your gina
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
