Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
