morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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