Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize