i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
this hospital has no fireball
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize