ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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