Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
