Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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