I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
