whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
