It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
