Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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