i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
