They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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