My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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