someone owes me an orgasm
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
