That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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