Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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