Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
