I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize