Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
