the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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