just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
