he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
