stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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