I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
