omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
