i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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