well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
