Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
