genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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