Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
