I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
