a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
