i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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