My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
