i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
