Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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