i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
