She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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