you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
