Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
