i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
