Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
