wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
