"it" just moved
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
