So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
