After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
