I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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