i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
