New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
and you fell through a lawn chair
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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