I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
