She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
