Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
