Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
