We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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