i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
