i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
