So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You smell like stripper and shame
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
