some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
