How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
