he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he was CRYING into my vagina
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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