He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
