Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
