Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
