I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize