I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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