I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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