too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
