Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
