'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You can't special order awesome
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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