it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
