Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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