Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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