dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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