her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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