We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
