i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
