Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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