She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
