I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Who died my cat blue again?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
