My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What a dumb baby whore.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Randomize
