Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
