saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
