Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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