Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
