I could make wine with my vomit
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
