I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
