I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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